Recovery and Re-adjusting
After this time where I was unwell, there were a few days of opportunity (prior to closing for Easter) to use the studio, which despite still being on the medication and not being completely recovered, I felt well enough to entertain. The time over thee few days was some of thr most difficult occasions of being in the studio itself; my familiar surrounding was still familiar, but everyone around me had far advanced from where I had last seen them, and I was still struggling for ideas for Outfit 3. This time I really was not myself, and even being out and about required some adjustment, as I found myself exhausted by only a few hours in the studio. This time felt like quite a setback, both physically and in my confidence, as my mindset suddenly shifted to doubt of everything I did, and a feeling of detachment from the concept which I have never had since starting it, as I have never had even close to that amount of time where I was not working on it in some way or thinking about it. My own project felt like a stranger and trying to design and visualise something which would continue the thought process of Outfits 1 & 2 seemed borderline impossible, and hence, fuelled my self-doubt. Even after all this time, my time in Amsterdam and my rejection from Iris van Herpen has certainly had a profound effect on my self-view, and I am less decisive through this until I truly have some form of gut instinct to pull me in a certain direction. While over the time of illness, and this time of readjustment, I have been visualising and designing, some of the time in the studio was spent draping designs which had been considered to judge if the colours, textures, and garment type would even work together. The draping seemed optimistic of what could be achieved, and there is much promise in what could be created- and therefore, despite a plague of self-doubt, this is the design which will be pushed forth with for the time, and any developments will occur in the gradual construction of the garment itself. One of my few achievements over this period of adjustments was to sample the compatibility of deep red nylon tulle and the smoked Plastic in methods of joining (babylocking, stitching) and of handling the plastic (gathering stitch). None of these were very successful, but this is key. In knowing this, there are obvious changed which needed to be made to the design, but the arrangement and general concept could remain. Considerations of core concepts of the collection, and of the story attempting to be told within it are things to think on in the adjustment of the design which has begun to resonate the feeling of becoming what it is meant to be.